I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
