I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
