everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
