4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
