an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Operation Purity has been aborted
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
