What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
