I'm lost and stupid without you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
