well I can't set my house on fire every night
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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