You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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