i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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