I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
