Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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