I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my sisters under your porch take her home
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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