Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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