How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
