dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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