Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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