My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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