I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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