you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
