you guys were way drunker than both of me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
