I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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