is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
