You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
