Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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