Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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