billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
