hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
