i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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