I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
