I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just invented taco cereal.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
