im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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