I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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