when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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