my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
