I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
