man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
is that a dick in a sweater?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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