i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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