I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
