Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
