we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
