Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
