and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
