i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
