I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
