I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
