i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My hand turned me down
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
only if we run a train.
done.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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