hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
