is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
