Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
