i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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