I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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