can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
