I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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