It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
