I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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