You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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