Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
