i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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