I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
