Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
