I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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