This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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