I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
