I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
