i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
