My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
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