were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
