Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
