I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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