OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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