apparently the secret to your success is patron
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
