I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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