I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
