You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
