I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
