dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i barfeds in our rink
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
