Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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