I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
